Help & Guidance
If you haven't been to a funeral before, it's perfectly understandable to have questions about what happens and what's expected of you.
Many people worry about what to wear, where to sit or whether they'll know what to do at the right moment.
The important thing to remember is that a funeral is an opportunity to pay your respects and support the people who have lost someone.
Every funeral is different, but we've answered some of the most common questions below to help you feel more prepared.
Read Our Guidance ↓
A Little Reassurance
Funerals can bring together people of different ages, backgrounds and experiences. Some will have attended many funerals before, while for others it may be their first time.
You don't need to know all the traditions or understand every part of the ceremony.
Being there, showing consideration for the family's wishes and offering your support are what matter most.
If you're ever unsure what to do, the funeral director will be available to guide everyone through the service.
Before the Funeral
If you're feeling uncertain about attending, these are the three simplest things to keep in mind.
The family may have requested particular clothing, flowers, donations or other arrangements. If they've expressed a preference, try to follow it.
Unless you've been given specific instructions, aim to arrive around 10 to 15 minutes before the service. This gives you time to find your seat.
You aren't expected to know every custom. The funeral director, officiant and venue staff will help guide everyone when needed.
On the Day
When you arrive at the crematorium, church or other venue, the funeral director or a member of the venue team may be there to welcome you.
You'll usually be directed into the chapel or service room shortly before the funeral begins.
In many services, the front rows are reserved for close family members and those travelling in the funeral procession.
If you're not part of that group, you can generally take a seat further back unless directed otherwise.
Don't worry if you're unsure. We'll be happy to show you where to sit.
During the Ceremony
Every funeral is personal, and the order of events will depend on the family's wishes, the type of ceremony and the traditions being followed.
However, many funerals follow a similar structure.
The coffin may arrive in a hearse and be carried or wheeled into the chapel by bearers or family members.
Sometimes the coffin is already in place when mourners enter.
The immediate family may follow behind the coffin before taking their seats.
The service may include music, hymns, prayers, readings and personal tributes celebrating the person's life.
A minister, celebrant or another person chosen by the family will usually lead the ceremony.
Some funerals are religious, while others are non-religious or a combination of different traditions.
Towards the end of the service, there is often a moment of final farewell, known as the committal.
At a crematorium, the coffin may remain in view, the curtains may close or the coffin may be moved from view, depending on the arrangements.
At a burial, the committal may take place at the graveside, where the coffin may be lowered into the grave.
At the end of the ceremony, the funeral director or officiant will usually guide mourners on when to leave.
The order of departure can vary. Sometimes the immediate family leaves first, while at other services guests leave before the family.
There's no need to worry about this beforehand. We'll explain what to do at the time.
Common Questions
People often worry about the small details when attending a funeral. Here are some of the questions we're asked most frequently.
Traditionally, dark clothing has been associated with funerals, but this isn't always expected.
Some families ask mourners to wear bright colours, a particular colour or something that reflects their loved one's personality.
If no dress code has been mentioned, smart, comfortable and understated clothing is usually appropriate.
It's also worth considering the weather, particularly for church or graveside services.
Many funerals welcome friends, neighbours, colleagues and others who knew the person who has died.
However, some families choose a private service or request that attendance is by invitation only.
If you're unsure whether you should attend, it's best to check the funeral notice or ask someone close to the family.
Some families welcome floral tributes, while others ask for family flowers only.
If flowers are requested, it's often best to arrange delivery through the funeral director rather than bringing them on the day.
Check the funeral notice or family instructions before ordering flowers.
Families sometimes invite charitable donations in memory of their loved one, either instead of flowers or as an additional option.
Donations may be collected at the venue or made through an online tribute page.
Giving a donation is entirely optional. There is no expected amount, and nobody should feel obliged.
Some families arrange for relatives and friends to spend time with their loved one in the Chapel of Rest.
Visits are arranged by the funeral director in consultation with the family.
If you would like to visit, please speak to the person organising the funeral.
The family arranging the funeral will usually decide who travels in any limousines accompanying the hearse.
Other mourners may travel in their own vehicles or make their way directly to the venue.
If you're unsure whether you're expected to follow the procession, ask the family or funeral director.
No. A funeral procession may leave from the person's home, a relative's address, the funeral home or another suitable location.
Some families prefer everyone to meet directly at the place of service, without a procession.
The details will depend on the family's wishes and the arrangements made.
You don't normally need to bring anything unless the family has made a particular request.
You may find it helpful to have some tissues, an umbrella or a suitable coat if the weather is poor.
If you're making a charitable donation, you may want to check whether cash or online donations are being accepted.
Families & Children
Children can attend funerals, and for some families it can be an important part of saying goodbye.
The decision will depend on the child's age, understanding, individual needs and the wishes of their parent or carer.
It can help to explain beforehand what a funeral is, what they might see and hear, and that people may become upset.
Babies and young children are not automatically a problem at funerals. Families understand that children sometimes make noise or need attention.
If you're concerned, consider sitting near an exit so you can step outside comfortably if needed.
There isn't one right decision for every child.
If the funeral isn't for a close family member, it's considerate to check with the family organising the service before bringing children.
After the Ceremony
Once the service has finished, there may be an opportunity to speak with the family, share memories or attend refreshments afterwards.
Every family arranges this differently.
You may have an opportunity to offer your condolences after the funeral service. A few simple, sincere words are enough.
Some families arrange a gathering at home, a pub, hotel or another venue, giving people a chance to spend time together and share memories.
A message, telephone call or visit in the days and weeks after the funeral can mean a great deal. Support doesn't have to end when the funeral is over.
One Last Thing
This is one of the most common worries people have when attending a funeral.
You don't need to find the perfect words. Something as simple as "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm thinking of you" is often enough.
Sometimes simply being there, offering a kind smile or listening to someone who wants to talk can mean more than anything you might say.
The most important thing isn't knowing the correct etiquette. It's showing up with kindness and respect.
Here to Help
If you're attending a funeral being arranged by Memories and have a question about the service, please don't hesitate to contact us.
We're happy to explain what to expect and help you feel more comfortable about attending.
